As I sit here on my lunch break eating left over macaroni and cheese with hot dogs, there are so many things going through my mind! So get ready for a cocktail of missteps and randomness and just plain life.
Do you fit in or stand out? I had a hard time with that one in high school. I wanted to fit in with the "cool kids" only to find out that they weren't true friends and would drop you like a rain drop falling from stormy skies during monsoon season in Arizona. So I went the majority of my high school existence without real "best" friends. Sure, I graduated with acquaintances and people that I grew up with and would say "hi" to in the halls. And some people I thought were my best friends went and hung out with their group of friends that I didn't really click with. Do I regret being alone? Eh. Regret is a strong word. Would I do things differently? Who knows. If I had any advice for my high school self, it would be to say sorry to those I burned bridges with, to not care about the "cool kids", and to really think about the choices that I would want to make and how they would effect my future family.
Do you ever get so filled with love that you can't stop smiling or you just want to scream at the top of your lungs? Yep. That has happened quite frequently the past few weeks. I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO FREAKING MUCH! Words cannot express what a blessing and an answer to prayers he has been. Heck, writing this my eyes start to well with tears of joy and happiness. I don't think he will ever know how much I truly love him. I don't think I can even comprehend it.
Do you ever wonder why things happen to some people and not to others? Yeah, me neither. I have to admit, that I LOVE Glee. And if you don't, then that's fine. I won't try and shove it down your throat. But I'm sure if you listen to the radio or watch the news, or have Facebook or Twitter, you've learned that Cory Monteith who plays Finn Hudson died this past weekend. How? Heroin and alcohol lethal combination. I sat thinking to myself, "How the heck are they going to continue Glee without such an important character? They just killed Rachel's last relationship so they could bring Rachel and Finn back together." I can't even imagine what Lea Michele is going through, his real life and on-scene girlfriend. To lose your loved one so suddenly and out of the blue, right before taking your relationship to the next step (moving in) would just be so devastating. What hits home is that Cory was the same age as my husband. That sent me into a loop of "What would I do if John died tomorrow?" and totally freaked me out. I always wonder, and I'm probably going somewhere very bad for wanting this, but why couldn't someone who doesn't contribute much to society have died instead of someone who has brought so much light and laughter and love to millions of people across the globe? I know it's WAY above my pay grade, but sometimes I wish things were different.
Do you ever feel out of place? When I lived in Arizona, I was used to seeing girls wear tank tops and way-too-short shorts, and pretty much nothing. I was used to not very many people being LDS and not being able to talk about your ward at the grocery store. When I moved up to Utah, BIG change. It took me a while to adjust to seeing everyone dress modestly and talking about your singles ward and that cute boy who went on his mission to who knows where. I liked it. I didn't feel like I was an alien visiting some other planet. At my last job, maybe 7 people weren't LDS, so at work I got used to talking about my ward and general conference, etc. Well, since moving up to Heber and working in Park City, HUGE change. It's just like I'm back in Arizona, minus the scorpions and the blistering heat and the nothingness deserts. All the girls needed a little more yardage on their bodies, smoking is pretty popular (but oh so extremely disgusting), and I had to explain to a few co-workers what a mission was and what a ward is. I was so used to living somewhere where everyone knew what I did on Sundays and what it meant to be Mormon. Adjusting is difficult and I kind of don't want to.
Do you ever look up to people and wonder "Why couldn't I have been as smart as you?" As the CEO of the company I work for (which maybe has 20 employees, and that's being generous) was doing some training in my department, at the end I asked him how many businesses he has owned. Roughly 14. When he was 20, he turned his first business into an $80 million company. When he was 23, he turned his next business into a $100 million company. And he doesn't even have a high school diploma. That takes work. Maybe I'm just too lazy..
Do you ever want my blogs to end? Yeah, me too. Too-da-loo!
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