Choices

Not your typical post, I know. But oh boy it is a good read (in my opinion).

"Every saint has a past. Every sinner has a future."

My two year anniversary for moving to Utah is a little over a week away. And boy, I have changed a lot. Before I moved up here, I was lost. I made some pretty dog-gone bad choices. I stopped attending church, I dropped out of seminary, I was extremely disrespectful to my parents. I just didn't care what I did. I did whatever I wanted, regardless of the consequences. And there were plenty of consequences. I just didn't see them at the time. I remember one Sunday when I didn't want to go to church, my older sister stayed home with me to try and convince me that what I was doing was ruining my life. I remember exactly what she said, like it was yesterday. "You cannot know how many people your actions today will effect." At the time, I just shrugged it off, like, "It's my life. Nobody has to be concerned with what I am doing. I'm not harming anyone." Ohhhh boy was I wrong. Little did I know, the choices I made back then would effect my future husband, my children, my grandchildren, and the list just goes on and on. But that Sunday when my sister spoke so much wisdom, it went in one ear and out the other. (Sorry Dawna)

The weeks before I moved up to Utah, I thought I was changing. I had started to attend church again, I was all registered for classes in the fall at MCC, I was on the right track again.

Then I decided to move.

And all that hard work went out the window. In an instant.

What's ironic, is Utah is "Mormon Capitol". And while that is true, there are still a LOT of anti-LDS and non-members that live here. And I decided that they were the type of people I should be hanging out with. Subsequently, I did things I shouldn't have, along with getting two tattoos. Yes, I scarred my body. I graffiti'd on my temple. Part of me wishes I could take it back and not have them. (It is always difficult when little kids, especially John's nieces and nephews see them. "What is that?" "Uhhhh.....") Part of me is glad I have them. Weird, I know. But I got them for personal reasons, not so I could show off art. I have words on my body that mean something to me. They are a part of who I am now. But I digress. Instead of going down the straight and narrow, I went out to left field. Best decisions of my life? HECK no.

It took me about 6 months to realize that I was going nowhere. I was going the opposite direction that my parents had taught me; of where I wanted to go. So, I started going to church again. And this time I was SURE I was going to change and actually GET somewhere. That lasted about 2 months. Then I met a boy. Isn't it funny how when bad things happen, it normally starts out somehow with a boy?? Strange. Anywho, this boy was everything that I didn't want, but he sure turned on the charm. Luckily, we only dated for a month or two, and then I had to backtrack and start from square one again.

For the past year, I have been better at finding who I am, attending church, and being the best me that I can be. Sure, I've had little slip-ups. But who doesn't? Nobody is perfect. Trust me. I know.

Two weeks ago, John and I were married. Civilly. It wasn't until that day, that I realized what all my previous actions for the past 4 years had done. They had effected my husband. Am I proud of this? No. Am I happy that I have a faithful husband who I can work things out with? Yes. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

John and I read scriptures and say family prayer every night. I have never read the Book of Mormon before, and I wish that wasn't true. I am finally learning what I have been missing out on for the past 4 years. And I wish I could take it all back. However, I am confident that if I hadn't done everything I did, and hit rock bottom, I would not have met John. I wouldn't have even moved up to Utah. So in a way, I am glad that I went through all the grief, and heartache, and bad choices so that I could be where I am today.

Long story short, the choices and decisions that you make in life affect more people than you know. And how you live your life has a direct correlation to how your parents raised you. Yes, I lost my way for a few years. But I know better. I know what is right. And the life I have known is a huge learning experience. I have made a lot of bad choices, but they have made me a stronger daughter of God today. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true. I know how special and important the Atonement of Jesus Christ is. I know that the Book of Mormon is true and that it is the fullness of the gospel. I know so many things today that I could have cared less about 4 years ago. And I have my parents to thank for that. They have shown me what the blessings of being a worthy member of the church can be. And how having a worthy priesthood holder in your home can do. 

They have shown me everything I need to know, I just didn't see it.