I LOVE being pregnant. I love feeling my baby kick and move (to some extent). It amazes me how my body knows exactly what to do to "grow a human" and create life. Pregnancy is awesome!
But the hard parts of pregnancy, the sleepless nights and achy hips and forgetfulness and run-on sentences like these, are just hard to deal with. The hardest part, I would say, is the craziness.
What craziness you ask?
The craziness of figuring out what is going to happen after the baby comes, who is going to work, who is staying home, how do we pay bills and buy diapers, etc.
The craziness of nothing fits like it should and everything makes me look fat.
The craziness of not getting enough sleep.
The craziness of "he didn't say good morning to me fast enough, I want him dead."
The craziness of "is this pain normal?"
The craziness that no one really ever talks about because being pregnant is, well, just plain awesome!
But the truth is, pregnancy is hard.
Yes, harder for some than others.
I knew it would be hard, but not in the ways I thought. I had always heard phrases and jokes about pregnant women being crazy, but never knew any crazy pregnant women, so I thought it didn't happen and it was all hype.
And then I met myself as a crazy pregnant woman. And proceeded to freak out. I would cry for no apparent reason other than I couldn't find one shoe. Or the time nobody noticed I got my hair cut and sent me into a spiral of crying fits.
Nor did I think about how uncomfortable it would be to sleep and that I would need to cuddle a pregnancy pillow instead of my husband. Or the fact that I would wake up every thirty minutes because Myrtle decided it was time to have a party.
I didn't think about how hard it would be to see my weight go up, even though I knew it would because I'm carrying a baby here. I didn't think about how Myrtle growing and getting bigger would squish my organs and feel...weird. Or about how I crave chocolate pudding like none other and before I was pregnant, I HATED pudding.
Who knew that you were supposed to keep track of the last time you had your menstrual cycle? Because I didn't, I have been told 4 different due dates that span a period of almost 4 weeks, the latest date being what I have been going off of for the past 3 months. How am I supposed to plan accordingly if I really am due at the end of April and not the middle of May and there is no way to know for sure?
Have I mentioned learning about epidurals and what REALLY happens during labor and delivery? Yeah, not quite what I thought. I didn't know that receiving an epidural would require a needle to constantly be in your back, or that sometimes the anesthesiologist could miss and possibly have to put it in your spine a few times before getting it right. I didn't know quite what it meant to be dilated to a 10, and holy ®*%#, how is that natural?! Maybe I'm just naive or a late learner, or just have a horrible memory, but it would have been nice to know how this was going to end so I could have better prepared myself while I was sane and not the "My ice cream is melting. It's the end of the world!" crazy pregnant woman.
On top of all of this, the reality that mine and my husband's lives are never going to be the same, it's never going to be just him and I, and it's never going to be just a walk in the park is really hard to understand and comprehend. And it frightens me.
One thing I consistently forget, is that I am making life here. I am preparing a human to be born. So why on earth did I think it would be easy?! I mean, the act was easy, but the process has been challenging. What in this life really is easy? Marriage is difficult. School is difficult. Finances are difficult. Living in and of itself is difficult. And I am making a human. Of course it's going to be difficult. But I know that it will all be worth it.
How do I know it will be worth it?
Because this has been a dream of mine since I can remember, and it's finally happening.
Because the smiles my nieces give my sister melt my heart.
Because a child's giggle can cure any horrible day.
Because seeing a child learn and develop their own personality is something-out-of-this-world awesome.
Because you can't tell me baby clothes aren't cute.
I have a newfound respect for my mothers in law. John's mom had 13 kids and his step mom had 13 kids as well. I am nervous about just having 1! I question how they did it and everyone is still alive and still have all 10 fingers and 10 toes because here I am freaking out about 1!
But I know that with my husband and the Lord on my side, I can beat this pregnancy and all the fun side effects that unwillingly come with it.
I feel like after going through this, I can take on the world!
Bring. It. On.
