Being Let Down

This topic has weighed heavy on my mind for the last week or so. And the only thing that seems fitting, is to write it down and share it with you.

We are all human. We all fail. We all disappoint. And we all let people down. To some, these things happen more than others. And to some, hardly at all. There are so many different factors that make up our decisions to deceive or hurt or betray. But two things remain constant. We are all children of our Heavenly Father. And we all can feel the healing power of the atonement.

More often than not, the atonement is spoken about in terms of repentance, because that is it's main purpose; to overcome spiritual death from sin. But I'd like to touch on a smaller (yet still important) purpose; healing and mending our spirits when someone has let us down.

It's a hard thing to swallow when hurtful words and actions are thrown your way, especially from people you care about. But you have two options.

First, you could just "sit" on it, or rather "in" it. Most of the time, when hurtful situations arise, it's just crappy. There's nothing good about it. It doesn't smell pretty, look nice, or sound friendly. It's like a bucket of poo being thrown at you. Nobody (to my knowledge) asks for a bucket of crap to be thrown at themselves. So you can sit in it and let your heart and mind be filled with crappy thoughts and soon consume you, and then slowly drive people away. I don't speak for the Holy Ghost and people around you, but if it were me, I wouldn't want to be around someone covered in poop. No thank you.

Second, you can let the power of the Atonement wash over your dung-covered body and clean you. Let the Holy Ghost comfort you and surround you with flowers and puppies. Let the hurt, pain, and sadness wash away like the tears that fell from Christ's face in Gethsemane. Let these things remind you that we are all human, we all fail, we all disappoint, and we all let others down. And unfortunately, sometimes you are on the stinky end.

"When life is too hard to stand, kneel"

This quote is often used when talking about trials. The trials I think about when hearing this quote deal with bills, raising children in this day and age, stress, or simply "life is just too busy to breathe". But I promise you, kneeling and asking for peace and understanding at to why someone threw crap at you, really helps wash away the stench. Prayer also opens up the avenue for you to ask for a softening of the "waste-giver's" heart, for them to hopefully see that you are just human as well. You will begin to see through the mess and filth and see a child of God on the other side, trying to make it through life just like yourself. You might not be able to see their struggles, but I'm guessing if they threw a bunch of crap your way, their life is not the sunny field of tulips you might think it is.

Feeling the power of the atonement, the power of prayer, and the love our Father in Heaven has for us is not like a few raindrops in a drought-stricken desert. It is a roaring rainstorm, quenching the dry ground with its everlasting drops of moisture. It is a perfect sunset on a cloudy day. It is the warmth of a towel fresh from the dryer. It is something memorable, comforting, and something not to be taken lightly. Heavenly Father loves us, more than you or I will ever understand. With that love comes understanding that we will be hurt. That is why the atonement is there and waiting for us to partake of it's blessings.

Disappointment is hard. But with the atonement, it doesn't have to be. Nor does it have to hurt. So which will you be surrounded by? Poo? Or flowers and puppies?

Crippling Problems

Let's be real for a second.

I have a problem.

It's a rather dangerous problem and never ends well.

I get jealous.

Very easily I might add.

I don't know where this problem of mine stems from, but I know that it isn't growing into a beautiful bouquet of roses. It's growing into an ugly pile of thorns inside my heart.

This problem of mine got me into a lot of trouble when I was younger.  And to be quite frank, it's getting me into trouble now.  With social media so readily available to drown yourself in (which is almost expected), I tend to sit and stew about why Holly Jane's daughter has those adorable leggings that I only dream of, why Susy-Talks-A-Lot and her husband go on extravagant family trips every (what seems like) 6 months, or more recently why Kathy Jo's business is more successful than mine.

I let other people's actions and blessings control my happiness.

Why would I allow them to have that kind of control?  Couldn't tell you, because I haven't figured it out yet either.  All I know is that this jealousy leads me to a very dark place where love and happiness cannot reside.

In a talk given by Jeffrey R. Holland, he states:

"Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those.

Furthermore, envy is a mistake that just keeps on giving. Obviously we suffer a little when some misfortune befalls us, but envy requires us to suffer all good fortune that befalls everyone we know! What a bright prospect that is—downing another quart of pickle juice every time anyone around you has a happy moment! To say nothing of the chagrin in the end, when we find that God really is both just and merciful, giving to all who stand with Him “all that he hath,” as the scripture says. So lesson number one from the Lord’s vineyard: coveting, pouting, or tearing others down does not elevate your standing, nor does demeaning someone else improve your self-image. So be kind, and be grateful that God is kind. It is a happy way to live."

 I mean, I love pickles, but being jealous and envious of others really is like downing a quart of pickle juice. And sadly, I have pickle juice up to my eyes.

I know a lot of people who are stronger than I am.  My husband is a great example of that.  Any time I have a little fit about "Why can't we have that" or "Why does she get those" etc, he always gives very insightful words or wisdom and ensures me that we have everything that we need.  (This is one thing I'm not jealous of: other people's husbands.  I wouldn't trade mine for the universe.)

Sure other people might stumble into wealth, work their tail feathers off to get where they are, or are blessed with many blessing, but we've worked pretty hard too.  My husband's job allows me to stay home with our beautiful daughter, we have a roof over our head, a car that runs, food continually on the table, and love that will last an eternity.

Okay so I might not have the newest model car, and I might get everything on clearance, but that is not how the Lord measures my worth.

Thomas S. Monson said:

"The Savior provided assurance of this truth when He taught that even a sparrow shall not fall to the ground unnoticed by our Father. He then concluded the beautiful thought by saying, “Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.”"

Not to mention the fun fact that none of these earthly things will matter in the next life.  I won't be able to take my daughter's 27 hair bows or our (in)expensive TV.  I will, however, be able to take the memories of laughter and learning, the bright light in my daughter's eyes, and the love that is created in our home.

"God is infinitely more interested in our having a place in His kingdom than with our spot on a mortal organizational chart." -Neal A. Maxwell.

Even though I might stumble and fall, fail over and over again, and cause my own sadness and misery instead of peace and happiness, I know that I am great in the sight of the Lord.  And I know that He will help me overcome this (very) crippling problem.

Growing pains

Between myself and Eloise, Eloise is doing all the growing, and I'm dealing with all the pain. She has started crawling this week, and I'm having a really hard time with it.

I knew it was inevitable that Eloise would grow up. And I knew it would be difficult. I just didn't know how emotionally hard it would be for me to see her change; to become a completely different baby than what she was 8 months ago. 8 months ago I would beg for another hour of sleep. Now, I beg for one more snuggle, one more wave, one more pull to the hair to give a kiss, or one more clap of the hands. I love seeing the wheels turning in her head and the excitement from finding something new. There is so much wonder and awe in her eyes.

I never knew how much I could love a human being. Even on our rough days, which tend to happen more frequently than I had planned, I would never trade her for the world. I find no greater joy than being her mom.

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

--Angela Scwindt