Crippling Problems

Let's be real for a second.

I have a problem.

It's a rather dangerous problem and never ends well.

I get jealous.

Very easily I might add.

I don't know where this problem of mine stems from, but I know that it isn't growing into a beautiful bouquet of roses. It's growing into an ugly pile of thorns inside my heart.

This problem of mine got me into a lot of trouble when I was younger.  And to be quite frank, it's getting me into trouble now.  With social media so readily available to drown yourself in (which is almost expected), I tend to sit and stew about why Holly Jane's daughter has those adorable leggings that I only dream of, why Susy-Talks-A-Lot and her husband go on extravagant family trips every (what seems like) 6 months, or more recently why Kathy Jo's business is more successful than mine.

I let other people's actions and blessings control my happiness.

Why would I allow them to have that kind of control?  Couldn't tell you, because I haven't figured it out yet either.  All I know is that this jealousy leads me to a very dark place where love and happiness cannot reside.

In a talk given by Jeffrey R. Holland, he states:

"Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those.

Furthermore, envy is a mistake that just keeps on giving. Obviously we suffer a little when some misfortune befalls us, but envy requires us to suffer all good fortune that befalls everyone we know! What a bright prospect that is—downing another quart of pickle juice every time anyone around you has a happy moment! To say nothing of the chagrin in the end, when we find that God really is both just and merciful, giving to all who stand with Him “all that he hath,” as the scripture says. So lesson number one from the Lord’s vineyard: coveting, pouting, or tearing others down does not elevate your standing, nor does demeaning someone else improve your self-image. So be kind, and be grateful that God is kind. It is a happy way to live."

 I mean, I love pickles, but being jealous and envious of others really is like downing a quart of pickle juice. And sadly, I have pickle juice up to my eyes.

I know a lot of people who are stronger than I am.  My husband is a great example of that.  Any time I have a little fit about "Why can't we have that" or "Why does she get those" etc, he always gives very insightful words or wisdom and ensures me that we have everything that we need.  (This is one thing I'm not jealous of: other people's husbands.  I wouldn't trade mine for the universe.)

Sure other people might stumble into wealth, work their tail feathers off to get where they are, or are blessed with many blessing, but we've worked pretty hard too.  My husband's job allows me to stay home with our beautiful daughter, we have a roof over our head, a car that runs, food continually on the table, and love that will last an eternity.

Okay so I might not have the newest model car, and I might get everything on clearance, but that is not how the Lord measures my worth.

Thomas S. Monson said:

"The Savior provided assurance of this truth when He taught that even a sparrow shall not fall to the ground unnoticed by our Father. He then concluded the beautiful thought by saying, “Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.”"

Not to mention the fun fact that none of these earthly things will matter in the next life.  I won't be able to take my daughter's 27 hair bows or our (in)expensive TV.  I will, however, be able to take the memories of laughter and learning, the bright light in my daughter's eyes, and the love that is created in our home.

"God is infinitely more interested in our having a place in His kingdom than with our spot on a mortal organizational chart." -Neal A. Maxwell.

Even though I might stumble and fall, fail over and over again, and cause my own sadness and misery instead of peace and happiness, I know that I am great in the sight of the Lord.  And I know that He will help me overcome this (very) crippling problem.